I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
