I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
