I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this boner is exhausting
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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