From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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