shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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