Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
