im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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