Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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