he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
