Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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