this beer tastes like vomit already
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
