it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The Olympian is in my bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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