my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
