I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
