ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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