highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
