The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
