You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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