I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
