I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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