Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
honey bunches of taint.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
