Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
