i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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