update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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