i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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