He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
