I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
