come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
