so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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