her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
