We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
