mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
