i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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