i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
