You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
