He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
