Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
