but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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