Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
