It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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