Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
