when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
