I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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