It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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