Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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