I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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