I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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