I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We left an ass print on the piano.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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