youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I see more hoeing in ur future
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