while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
