I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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