this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
