i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
sarcasm needs its own font
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
