Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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