dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
