how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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