accomplished twins. life is a go
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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