i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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