Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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