i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the liver wants what the liver wants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
