Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
