Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
