OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
