Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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