Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
