I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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