Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
