oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You pole danced in your parka.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
