cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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