My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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