That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
