Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
