Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
