I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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