Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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