Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
