I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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