Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
