I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he thought i was a dude.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize